40 Days of Diet Humor

Someone said, “The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.” We’ve all experienced crabby dieters. If you’re just beginning the HCG Diet, vow to be happy and optimistic in anticipation of the positive changes you are about to make! Print out this list of 40 funny diet one-liners, one for each day of HCG Phase 2, the low-calorie phase of the diet, to help you maintain a cheerful mindset.

1. Those who get too big for their britches, will be exposed in the end.
2. It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
3. A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
4. By the time I'm thin, fat will be in.
5. Dieting is wishful shrinking.
6. What do you call an overweight monster? OBEAST.
7. Some people trade TIT-FOR-TAT; healthy people trade FIT-FOR-FAT.
8. I gave up desserts!!! - It was the worst twenty minutes of my life. Woriginal by Daniel Worona
9. Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.  ~English Proverb
10. Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket.  ~Author Unknown
11. More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.  ~John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society
12. One should eat to live, not live to eat.  ~Cicero, Rhetoricorum LV
13. In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins.  Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.  ~Stephen Phillips
14. People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.  ~Author Unknown
15. Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!  ~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes
16. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not!  ~Author Unknown
17. The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.  ~Andy Rooney
18. Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.  ~Peter De Vries
19. If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.  ~Author Unknown
20. Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.  ~Author Unknown
21. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.  ~Author Unknown
22. Dieting is wishful shrinking.  ~Author Unknown
23. Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks.  ~Author Unknown
24. I'm allergic to food.  Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.  ~Jennifer Greene Duncan
25. You can't lose weight by talking about it.  You have to keep your mouth shut.  ~Author Unknown
26. If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.  ~Jason Love
27. I am a nutritional overachiever.  ~Author Unknown
28. Dieting is not a piece of cake.  ~Author Unknown
29. I'm not overweight.  I'm just nine inches too short.  ~Shelley Winters
30. Dieters live life in the fasting lane.  ~Author Unknown
31. I'm in shape.  Round is a shape... isn't it?  ~Author Unknown
32. I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.  ~Author Unknown
33. We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.  ~Author Unknown
34. The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.  ~Peggy Ryan
35. Obesity is really widespread.  ~Joseph O. Kern II
36. She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."  ~P.G. Wodehouse
37. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.  ~Lewis C. Henry
38. My wife is a light eater.  As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.  ~Henny Youngman
39. Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.  ~Author Unknown
40. I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again, my cellulite must have déjà vu.  ~Jane Wagner.